He put on his green shirt today, the one he hadn’t worn in a century. He used to wear the same one every three days when we met, just because I told him it made his eyes sparkling. Ding, ding, ding! Red alert! Why is he wearing this shirt? Why now?
And from like 5 messages a day, in which he used to tell me I am the one and he can’t wait for the day to pass so he can come home and catch me when I stumble, now he sends only 3, in which I’m still the one, but he is also asking me to buy some bread on my way home. Ding, ding, ding! Red alert! Why should I buy bread? Why now?
And last night, around 4 a.m., he turned to the other side and forgot to take my hand with him, although until now we slept glued and turned in sync from one side to the other. Ding, ding, ding! Red alert! Why did he forget to take my hand with him when he turned? Why now?
I don’t recognize him anymore, he has changed, and he doesn’t love me anymore. Period. And from the beginning. Really?
When you feel that something is wrong with the man next to you, something for sure is wrong. No matter how much bullshit any of the male participants in lovesex trafficking sell you, trust yourself that you are not wrong. Just as your mother still guesses you even when you are thousands of miles away.
But from something’s wrong with him to something’s wrong with you guys, it’s a long way, bro. True, sometimes maybe not so long. And sometimes, from something is wrong with him, from there it starts to be wrong with your relationship. But then it means you made the wrong choice. You can’t just put him against the wall, shoot him first, and only after that ask him what he did.
The interrogation won’t work either, though when you put the lamp in his eyes in the middle of the night, waking him up from his sleep and asking him why he wore his green shirt today, he seemed a little hesitant. Right? Right? What do you mean you scared him? What, is he a kid?!?
I don’t believe in siamese banging passionately. Still, I think that every relationship has a dynamic and that, yes, you have to pay attention to the signals; you can’t just put the dust of ignorance in your eyes and sit like a fool waiting for the rock to fall over you. But everyone has their own personality and needs to develop it both separately and together. And sometimes something will be wrong with the man next to you, just as sometimes something will be wrong with you. But if you made the right choice, that man will come and tell you. At a certain time. When he will be ready. If you let him do it. Preferably without a lamp in the eye.
Trust yourself, but be aware that the line between sensitivity and paranoia is finer than a baby’s bottom.
