Did you spend too much time in tired relationships because you didn’t know how to put an end to it or because you were afraid to live alone? Have you kept in touch with people who meant something in your life at one point and didn’t know how to break the link so you would not offend them or just for old times’ sake?
Did you waste your time with people you thought needed you, who bored you, or from whom you had nothing to learn just because you didn’t know how to say NO? Are you still doing it?
I would like to declare myself more courageous and swear with my hand on my heart and on a red ribbon that I did not do it. But what do you think? I would be lying!
I did it too, successfully: I was a champion in helping “lost souls” (I probably had a kind of Jesus Christ Syndrome, although I rather think I was just too polite and raised in the spirit of doing good), to let myself be driven by the more or less important needs of those around me, to put myself in second place, to listen to the life stories of insipid beings who only knew how to complain without doing anything to solve their problems, to surround myself with people who only ate my time and energy.
Until one day, a few good years ago, when I was struck by maximum selfishness, but selfishness in a good way. And I spent a couple of seconds thinking, figuring out how many friends I needed to change a light bulb, and decided that none. I can change my own light bulb.
Therefore, I had to find a better reason to keep people around me. Such as: having a connection, sharing similar values – not only on a theoretical level but also practically, being funny, relaxed, being people who think that simple things are the best and don’t complicate their lives with pathetic soap operas in which they eventually try to drag me and have something to learn from them. Or more simply: people I’d take with me to a desert island.
At the time, the checklist was only ticked by two, who remain to this day. But I’ve been living much better ever since advice I followed at the urging of a politician who wished us to live well. In addition, the individuals I got rid of instantly made room: that’s how three more appeared in time, then two more, then three more… and I hope will gather more.
But these people I love now, with whichever one of them laugh every time without looking for it, even when it’s thick, it brightens my day, I love them even when I don’t like them, and I can tell them that without them disown me.
Those who did not understand the message at first, I saved their phone numbers under the name: “Idiot – Don’t answer!” and, after a while, they stopped.
Do you still calculate how many friends you need to change a light bulb, or are you ready to learn to say No and choose them according to healthier criteria?
