I didn’t say it; it was a quote I stumble upon on the Internet. But I agree. Because the moment I saw it, it struck me that I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. Initially intuitive. Then, self-educated. Because I realized that fear makes you stupid. And that the times when I managed to overcome my fear were those when a part of me curiously said: “Let’s see what’s there!“. And off I went.
Every time I went, I was like a curious child. I wouldn’t talk about fear if I didn’t know her. I think I might be the most frightened person I’ve ever met. I’m even afraid of my own shadow, but those who know me would never believe that, and those who know me very well know that everything I did was despite fear and not because I didn’t feel it breathing down my neck. Every fucking time.
There were moments when I was almost paralyzed by what I was about to do, but I was lucky that the curiosity was screaming inside me: “I went this way and I didn’t like it. Now let’s see how it’s on the other side”. I’d like to lie to you to encourage you, but it’s not in my nature. I would like to tell you that every time it was better on the other side. But it wasn’t like that. Sometimes it was better. Other times it was horrifying. Oh, yes, I give it to you in writing that I am wrong sometimes. I don’t own absolute truths. But at least I found out how that other way was different, and from there, I was able to take other steps for my own good.
But the mere fact that I didn’t let fear dictate in my place is good enough for me. So, when you want to do something, but you’re afraid that the cozy universe you’re used to might soon be replaced by a totally unknown one, replace that fear with that childish curiosity that wants to find out what it’s like on the other side.
